Three

Today, my precious husband and I are celebrating our third year of marriage. It only seems right that I should write a little something about us J

A few months ago I read a blog post where a wife likened the years of their marriage to parenting a child approximately that age. For some reason this analogy resonated with me and (at least in our marriage) I can see the comparisons rather clearly.

If you’re tracking with that analogy, you will have realized that my husband and I just finished the year referred to in children as “the terrible twos.” (I can see the raised eyebrows and question marks in your eyes from here behind my computer screen.) This does NOT mean that this year has been terrible, but I CAN clearly see a correlation. I’ll explain. Don’t worry. But first, let’s go for a little walk down memory lane. (I LOVE memory lane J )

Year 1:  Precious newborn baby. Extremes. Extreme highs and extreme lows. Oh, I remember our first year of marriage! How wonderful and terrible all wrapped into one beautiful mess. We had to re-learn everything. There were hours, days, weeks, months of total bliss. Times when I just couldn’t believe how strong my love for this man was! Times when I wanted to cry because this love was so special. So wonderful. Then there were the times that were opposite. Times when I cried and wondered why no one ever told me how hard it was going to be. Things could go from white to black and back again within just a few hours…or minutes.

When I think back to times in my career as a mother, this totally gels. Newborns are just so precious. So precious that sometimes your heart wants to break with the preciousness of it all! Every single tiny milestone is celebrated and so special. They grow so quickly, but in such tiny steps. Everything is new and soft and precious. And then there is the opposite. The times when the crying just won’t stop. The times when you, as a parent, are just so exhausted that you truly don’t know which way is up and which is down. The days of continual blow-outs. The crazy schedule. The “worn” feeling. It’s all part of that wonderful, glorious first year that is just so hard. Hard, but perfect.

Year 2:  Your little one has had a birthday. The sleepless nights, and worn out feelings are memories. You actually get dressed in the morning, and somehow all of the joys that were so huge and overwhelming during that first year are growing! There are such big milestones this year! Walking, talking, eating. Learning to drink from a sippy cup. From a straw. Running, climbing, exploring, destroying. Yes, there are bumps and bruises. There are the tumbles down the stairs, and the tantrums over the terribleness of a specific food. Naptimes change and life rearranges. However, physical growth is the main characteristic. Leaps and bounds, giant steps of growth.

For Justin and I, those steps of growth were huge. The “sleepless nights” of the first year were forgotten and we were best buddies. We bought a motorcycle that summer. Moved into our first home. Became parents. Weathered huge storms in areas like health, loss, and those first days/weeks of parenting. In many ways, I think we did ourselves a dis-service during this year. Both in our marriage and in parenting. There is something so blinding about huge milestones. It looks a lot like emotional/spiritual growth when in reality it is simply physical growth. We did grow that year, but over all, we let the milestones take over. We enjoyed the ride. In lots of ways it was this year of glorious milestones that set us up for success in year 3, and in some ways it set the stage for the blind-siding reality that was year 3.

Year 3:  The terrible twos. In year 3 of a child’s life, the huge, physical milestones slow down and the growth turns more towards intellectual and developmental growth. It is so fun. Seriously! You get to experience the joy of actually conversing with your child. They watch, observe, and copy. (Sometimes at the exact times when you would rather they didn’t!) At times, it is almost like you can watch their little brains working as they concentrate on learning a new skill. But perhaps the biggest change is in their expression of desires. You see, when you have a two-year-old, you begin to realize that last year you were seeing little tiny flashes of their heart. But those little tiny flashes of their heart weren’t expressed super clearly and were covered up by lots of exciting milestones. This year it’s different. Your child has learned to express their desires. Clearly. Often loudly. And they want what they want with a fierceness that is shocking! You find yourself wondering, “Where did my little angel go?” only to realize that this is merely the expression of a heart they have been cultivating. A heart that in many ways you, yourself, have been enabling.

This is where Justin and I found ourselves this past year. You see, when you get married, you are forced into a different level of honesty, of vulnerability, and of transparency with your spouse. You just cannot hide everything about yourself when you begin living together! I think this is one of the biggest reason for all of the extremes in that first year. There is the person that you fell in love with and there is the person that you are learning about. Two sinners. In the same house. Sharing the same bed. It’s bound to result in lots of extreme ups and downs!! And then that second year comes with all it’s exciting milestones and you kindof forget that the growth you began in that first year must continue! Just because you reached new levels of transparency, vulnerability, and honesty doesn’t mean that those levels are deep enough. Growth must continue. Stunted growth is really never a good thing. In our specific situation, the huge milestones of life slowed down a little, and we began to realize that we hadn’t been dealing with the little “flashes” of our hearts that had been showing through in the previous year. We had run through that year enjoying the newfound companionship that we had grown into, but both of us had stopped dealing with the hard, deep things in our hearts. This year, they came screaming out. Loudly. Sinfully. In very hurtful ways. We had a lot of growing to do.

So that’s it. The truth of “terrible twos.” Our hearts are wicked, and when they shine out it’s pretty terrible. But, God’s grace is bigger, and growth is so sweet. In both the two-year-old and the marriage, the relationship that grows through these times and chooses to change as a result is so much sweeter and so much stronger. And, I’m thankful.

I’m thankful for this year that exposed our terrible hearts because it also exposed the greatness of God’s grace.

I’m thankful for the growth that has resulted from the collision of our terrible hearts and God’s great grace.

I’m thankful for the deeper relationship that has come from that growth.

I’m thankful for my husband who has patiently, graciously, and lovingly dealt with the exposition of my terrible heart.

I’m thankful for my husband who has humbly and diligently allowed God to expose his own heart and push him to grow in the areas that have been exposed.

I’m thankful for God’s gift of year 1: the year that gave us extreme joys and taught us to grow through extreme sorrows.

I’m thankful for God’s gift of year 2: the year that gave us such precious memories of fun milestones and special times of companionship.

I’m thankful for God’s gift of year 3: the year that taught us to keep growing AND to keep enjoying the companionship that we have with our God and with each other.

I’m thankful for the picture below. This picture has been the equivalent of “watching your two-year-old sleep” for me this year J (You parents know what I mean!)

And, I’m thankful for year 4! I’m so excited to see what God will teach us, take us through, and bless us with this next year!!!